I’m about to round the corner on a year of exclusively breastfeeding my son. It’s been one of the most difficult, unrelenting, exhausting, and rewarding things I’ve ever done. Kind of like parenting in general.
When I was pregnant with him I knew that I wanted to breastfeed but had this idea in my mind that my plumbing would either work or just… not work. When the first lactation consultant came to visit me in the hospital and I expressed this concern to her, she was like “uh, why? Your baby wants to nurse nonstop. Your milk will come in fine if you just let him.” I let him nurse whenever he wanted, which as she said was nonstop, and she was right. He was persistent and the result was lots and lots of milk.
I had two more lactation consultants come visit me during our 48-hour hospital stay, which was great except the one who popped in around 11pm filled with a fresh cup of coffee for the start of her midnight shift which put her and I on completely different planes of existence. The adrenaline from the c-section and meeting my new child was wearing off, the cluster feeding was starting, I had a gas bubble in my neck that was making it difficult to move in several directions, and I was so unbelievably tired that I thought I might start hallucinating. She, however, was ready to GO. She advised me on different holds to prevent breast soreness from constantly using the same position, which I ignored since we settled into the cradle hold pretty well and I am a creature of habit.
Anyway, breastfeeding was one of the things I knew I wouldn’t fully understand until I was really doing it – again, kind of like parenting – so I wanted to share some of the things I’ve learned and that I feel like we’re not told about breastfeeding, for better or worse.
(Disclaimer: I am not a lactation consultant or medical professional, just a mom with personal experience that I want to share. This is not professional or medical advice)
(Disclaimer 2: This post may contain affiliate links, so if you click something and make a purchase I might make a commission. Babies aren’t cheap and a girl’s gotta eat)
Anyone who says “it doesn’t hurt if you’re doing it right” is so full of shit it’s probably coming out of their ears.
I want to scream any time I hear someone give this advice. I’m sure there are some forms of pain with breastfeeding that are not normal, but this advice has probably caused a lot of people to stop because their nipples hurt and they’re convinced they’re doing something wrong.
Think about it objectively. I used the Huckleberry app to track feeds for several months because I’m a millennial who needs data to understand everything, and for the first month or so I spent an average of 8 hours a day breastfeeding. Imagine if someone spent 8 hours a day sucking on your finger. Your finger will probably start to hurt, won’t it? Obviously the same will happen to your nipples, which are made with some of the most sensitive skin on your body. It is normal. The first few weeks were what I’d describe as toe-curling pain every time he latched on, despite the fact that he had a really good latch. Once he was latched it was fine, but those first few seconds were rough until my skin was calloused enough to become desensitized.
I don’t blame anyone at all for quitting breastfeeding due to this pain. However, if you are determined to keep doing it and make enough milk, I promise it gets better once you power through it. If your hospital offers lactation support, definitely take advantage of it and ask them to check your baby’s latch. It should be deeper than just the nipple.
Earth Mama balm helps tremendously with nipple soreness.
The dehydration will make you finally buy a Stanley cup.
Your milk is made with water and nutrients from your blood, so your baby is constantly pulling from your hydration reserves. If there is any reason to get a big old Stanley, this is it. You’ll want something that holds as much water as possible because you will be CHUGGIN’. If you don’t care about aesthetics, you can become one of those gym bros that walks around with a gallon milk jug.
I also recommend coconut water because of the electrolytes and extra nutrients. Whatever you do, stay hydrated!
“Breastfeeding burns 500 calories a day!” What they’re not saying – it makes you want to eat 5,000 calories a day.
You hear a lot about pregnancy cravings and hunger. That’s definitely a thing, especially in the second trimester once the nausea wears off and the growing starts to escalate, but in my experience, it pales in comparison to breastfeeding hunger.
Much like the unquenchable thirst of breastfeeding, you’re going to be hungrier than you’ve ever been. I’ve had more midnight snacks during this season of life than ever before. Bobo’s oat bites were a personal favorite. I’d also make myself a weekly veggie tray to keep with me on the couch as an excuse to plow through a tub of chipotle ranch dip.
Also, anything you order from DoorDash while starving during cluster feeding is technically free. That’s called breastfeeding math.
Cluster feeding will make you question what you were thinking when you made every decision that led to this.
It will also make you initially worry that you’re not making enough milk and that your baby is starving, which causes a lot of people to panic and supplement with formula. This leads to the cycle of your baby not latching as much in these early days, which leads to a drop in milk supply, which turns the worry over under-producing into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I heard of cluster feeding before having a baby, but it was never mentioned by any of the lactation consultants and I was NOT prepared for the intensity of it. A few days after we got home from the hospital, we were barely taking 10-minute breaks between when he’d want to nurse again. Despite having heard the term cluster feeding, I still doubted whether this was normal and I turned to the scholarly experts of Google, Instagram Reels, and Tiktok videos to see what was out there about cluster feeding. Yep, this was it.
According to my pediatrician, the main way to tell if your baby is getting enough milk is if they are 1) gaining weight and 2) having an adequate amount of wet and poopy diapers. If this is all the case, you’re doing great and the amount that they’re eating is normal. Cluster feeding is basically them putting in an order for more milk a few days ahead of time so your body knows to make more. Grab some snacks, fill up your gallon water bucket, catch up on 90 Day Fiance and get cozy on the couch because you’ll be there a while.
I don’t remember how many phases of cluster feeding we went through but I think it stopped around 3 months. We maybe had 3 or 4 stints of it that lasted a day or two. The fact that I barely remember is a good sign that it gets better.
Nursing pillows are worth it for the sake of your back.
I was lucky enough to get 2 nursing pillows handed down to me and I loved both of them at different phases of the first year.
I used the My Brest Friend original nursing pillow for the first few months. This one is perfect for nursing a newborn. It provides more support than the Boppy, which is reassuring when you’re constantly worrying about dropping a floppy noodle newborn. It also has a pocket for your snacks and water bottle, and the size is better if you have wide hips like me. I also got to try the deluxe version of this but it was a little smaller and didn’t work as well with my body. I love the original version and plan to use it with my next baby.
I was also given a Boppy pillow, the more popular nursing pillow that many people consider the gold standard. I didn’t like it when I first tried it during the newborn phase. It didn’t provide as much support as the My Brest Friend so I didn’t use it at all, except to occasionally prop my baby up next to me while we were reading books or something.
Once I hit the 4 month mark and my baby could support his body a little better, I found that the My Brest Friend pillow was feeling a little bulky. However, I still wasn’t comfortable nursing without a pillow for support. I gave the Boppy another try by wedging it on the side of my hip that I was nursing on and it was perfect for this stage. It offered enough support for my arm and his head and neck, and the fact that it’s smaller than the other pillow gave me a little more flexibility on which area of the couch I could use for nursing.
I probably used the Boppy for 3 months, until my baby was big enough that I felt like I didn’t need a pillow. Both of them were perfect for different phases, so if you can get some hand me downs or find them on Facebook Marketplace I highly recommend trying both to see what works best for you and your body.
Everyone reacts to milk letdowns differently.
Before starting this journey, I had no idea that you could feel the milk making its way to the front of your ducts when your baby latched on. I was surprised when that feeling, which felt a little tingly for me but not terrible, actually made me a little nauseous and VERY thirsty. Thankfully the nausea only lasted a couple minutes. If I started to nurse and didn’t have my water within arm’s reach, I was yelling for my husband to grab it for me.
There’s also a thing called Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (DMER) which causes some women to feel intense anger, depression, or other emotions when their milk lets down. I never experienced this, but it’s definitely something to be aware of if you feel it taking a toll on your mental health.
An exhaustive list of everything I bought for breastfeeding, AKA my list of why breastfeeding is not “free”.
Another breastfeeding trope I dislike is that breastfeeding is “free”.
First – and I know some will roll their eyes at this – but we live in a highly capitalist society where time and labor are not free (unless you’re a mother). In the beginning, I spent 8 hours a day on average breastfeeding. I am lucky that I had the privilege to take time away from my business to do this without losing too much money, but I know not everyone has that luxury. I know that if I had to go to a job that didn’t give me any paid maternity leave, I’d either be pumping at work or biting the bullet on formula because personally, I don’t enjoy pumping and can’t imagine I would have lasted long (especially if I was in a work environment that was not accommodating or understanding).
Luckily, I had the privilege to live like a sloth on my couch, nursing the baby and catching up on Vanderpump Rules just in time for Scandoval.
Time and labor aside, I also spent what in hindsight looks like a small fortune on products to make my breastfeeding journey easier. Did I NEED all of this? No, not really. A lot of moms don’t pump at all, but I didn’t like the idea of not having a freezer supply for my baby so I made sure to do that. I also wanted a cover in case I felt weird about nursing in public – turns out, motherhood eliminates a lot of your fucks about what other people think. The only people I use my cover around are male family members – not because they make me feel weird, but because I feel better when I’m covered around my dad and brother.
Here’s every nursing-related product I purchased and whether they were worth it:
For whatever reason, I chose to spend my insurance allotment toward one of the most expensive portable breast pumps on the market. I didn’t like the idea of a pump that plugged into the wall, so I splurged on the Willow. I do not like it and barely used it. I also learned that you’re not supposed to use a portable pump like this as your main pump because they’re not as efficient, so with this next baby I plan on getting a more traditional pump to see how it compares.
When I realized the Willow was not going to work well for me, my mom told me to just spend $20 and get a manual pump to try. I really wanted a small freezer stash of breastmilk so I could at least leave the house and know there was milk to feed my baby, so I gave the Medela manual pump a try and really liked it. Once my supply was established I was able to get 4-5 ounces every morning with just a few minutes of pumping. SO much easier than dealing with the Willow pumps, bags, containers, and app.
It’s recommended you replace pump parts every few months, so when I felt it was time to replace some stuff on the Medela, I decided to also buy the Lansinoh manual pump to see how it compared. This one is a little more tricky to put together, but also seemed a bit more efficient at removing milk. I don’t have a strong opinion on the Medela vs Lansinoh manual pump because both worked great for me and the prices are similar.
I got a few samples of these bags and they worked fine, so I bought a 200-pack of bags for my freezer stash. I recommend getting the larger bags over the smaller 4oz bags because they freeze flatter and take up less space in your freezer.
The Haakaa is great for catching the letdown on one side while you nurse on the other side. I did not like the idea of wasting the milk that leaked on the side I wasn’t nursing on so this is the perfect solution. (Pro tip: make sure to get the one with the lid and suction bottom unless crying over spilled milk is something you enjoy).
Cocoon Breathable Nursing Cover
I was highly influenced by the Cocoon ads and decided to treat myself to an olive nursing cover. I love and recommend it because it’s much easier to use than the cheap polyester cover I bought on Amazon, but it is pricey. However, I consider it the same as splurging on a nice top because you can wear it as a shirt over a tank top and it looks nice and stylish. I wore mine for my Grandpa’s funeral because I knew I’d have to nurse the baby and it was dressy enough to wear with nice pants.
This balm helped the nipple pain significantly in the early days of breastfeeding. It’s safe for your baby to get in their mouth, but I’d still wipe it off because my baby has extra sensitive skin. It also leaves grease stains on your clothes, so if you’re someone who hates wearing a bra like me, make sure you use it when you’re wearing something you’re OK with staining.
I have three of this hoodie because they’re cheap, convenient, and look cute.
I also bought a 3-pack of these padded nursing bras which I wear the most frequently. They’re very comfortable for the price and easy to access under the hoodies.
If you’re nursing in the summer, muscle tanks are great because you don’t have to lift your shirt up or buy a tank with an opening in the middle, you can just move it to the side and undo your bra.
Overall, breastfeeding has been an incredible experience and I’m proud that I was able to make it a year. One of the best pieces of advice I heard about breastfeeding was “if you’re going to quit, don’t quit on a bad day. Quit on a good day”. Also, don’t put pressure on yourself in the beginning by thinking “OMG I have to do a WHOLE YEAR of this”. Think about it one feed at a time and it’s so much less mentally daunting. You might not think you can make it a year, but you can probably make it to the next feed.
What else do you want to know? Leave your questions or share your experience in the comments, I’d love to hear about it.
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